Infamous Cult of Naraz Phupha

For the context of this blog, the term phupha includes mausa.

There is an infamous quote, which mostly make rounds during family functions especially wedding ceremonies- “Woh shaadi hi kya jisme phupha naraza na ho” (What kind of wedding would it be if the uncle doesn’t get upset). Today, let’s dive deeper into this “cult” and its legendary legacy.

Well! as a child I used to believe that members of this group were part of my near and dear ones only. But to my dismay, it was wrong. This cult has spread far and wide—across neighborhoods, workplaces, down the South of country and even deep into the Himalayan ranges of states like Jammu Kashmir, Arunachal Pradesh. It transcends borders—"Divided by nations, united by Narazagi”. But nobody actually knows what that narazagi/ annoyance is all about. Nobody. Or is it just an attention seeking attitude they have, so much so that at times bride & groom says “Aap phuphaji ko dekhlo, shaadi hum sambhal lenge” (You take care of phuphaji, we’ll handle the wedding).

True representation of Phupha. (Only for the purpose of humour. The writer has no intention to harm any political party or influential people. )Photo from Google.

You might say that you are not member of this cult, nor your father. Even my father isn’t part of such occult group, but somebody’s father or uncle is. A recent study conducted by Department of Rishtedaari Affairs (DRA) suggests that nearly 75% of Phuphas qualify for this prestigious membership. Under DRA, a committee was also formed- Committee on Study of Phupha Behavior and as per its reports, nobody knows the origin of “Cult of Naraz Phupha”. It further stated that how innocent men become part of it through brainwashing and meeting other Phupha. The main criteria are-

• to get married to a woman who has a sibling.

• If he gets a brother-in-law with children, then title of Phupha is awarded or;

• if gets sister-in-law with children, then he will be called Mausa.

• But duty gets double and so does the “Narazagi” if his wife has both, brother and sister. In such situations, he will be Phupha and Mausa both, with the same or greater level of annoyance and demands.

• The twist comes if they marry a single child i.e., getting the title and being the member of this cult becomes tough. But they always find a way.

  This Cult’s moto is - “Humse Toh Kisi Ne Pucha Hi Nahi” (No one even asked us).

Google

Wedding Narazagi

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Few years ago, I was attending a wedding of a distant cousin. It was the Tilak ceremony. Dulha, all prepped up, wearing a three-piece was sitting on the stage, cross legged, adjusting his pants so they don’t tear up, pandit ji was reciting verses to begin the ceremony and other’s having food, gossiping, getting photographed. Mahaul jam sa gaya tha, that suddenly groom’s mother came rushing towards us, tensed. I thought probably groom’s pants got torn. She seemed anxious and confused and exclaimed with 11 line on her forehead “Have you seen a pair of leather slippers? They were kept here, under your chair.” I said no, I haven’t, nothing was here before I sat to have my Mushroom Tikka. I thought slippers? That too leather? Must be a Hermes, worth worrying over. I wish I would have stolen them. Or was it being accessorized by the groom- three piece and a Hermes slipper? If it were a Birkin, I’d understand the fuss. But slippers? No. Yet, I chose to ask her- “Why are you searching for them? You should be there on the stage.”
“Tsk-tsk, Arre, humare jija ji ki chappal kho gayi hai, didi pareshan hain unhe kahin mil nahi rahi hai aur jija ji naraz ho rahe hain ki kaisi badintezami hai, chappal chori hogayi.” (Tsk-tsk, My brother-in-law has lost his slippers, my sister is worried as she is unable to find them anywhere. Meanwhile, he is getting annoyed, complaining about the mismanagement that led to his slippers being stolen.) I couldn’t stop laughing. I was unaware about this rasam (ritual). All I knew that we have to protect groom’s slippers on the day of his wedding from his to-be sister-in-laws. I thought what if this is an old tradition, find “mausa’s chappal and get malamal.”
We couldn’t find his slippers, my cousins rushed to nearest Bata showroom, but of course, that wasn’t good enough. He wanted that specific brand. Irritated, we coaxed and lured him like a child “Raat kaafi hogayi hai, aap abhi yeh pehen lijiye, subah woh wali leaange.” (It is already quite late , please wear this pair for time being. We’ll get those in the morning.) He shook his head in an infinity loop, wore them, and Mausi took a long sigh of relief. [When the three day ceremonies got over, we found his original pair secured in a poly-bag in his own room.] 🙄

Crazy!

My reaction after this Tom and Jerry game.

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Another time, in another wedding, few older members of this cult got upset, annoyed - Naraz, because when the Barat arrived, they were neither introduced as “Dulhe ke Phupha” and nor were they given garlands by Ladkiwale. The one who actually enjoyed the limelight was a younger, chill Phupha who had no complaints and participated in all the “Not Naraz Phupha rituals”, while the others sat sulking at a corner table, sporting monkey caps and sneakers, launching a formal protest over their missing ‘dignified introduction.’
“Batayie bhaisahab, Keshav ke papa ne humara introduction nahi karwaya ladkiwalon se. Arre! Mana ki Barat mein peeche chal rahe the, lekin naam ke liye hi bula lete aage ki aayie Jija ji, aapka parichay karwate hain. Hum ghar ke sabse bade damad hain, aur hume hi nahi poocha. Aisa kahin hota hai kya? Huh!”

Others adding the fuel to fire, “Bilkul sahi kaha aapne jija ji, hume bhi yeh log bhool gaye. Theek hai dwar-char par bhool gaye, lekin ab, abhi bhi koi nahi pooch raha hai. Keh de rahe hain ki Deepa ki mummy se karenge shikayat ki hume tumhare gharwalon ne ek glass paani ka bhi nahi poocha. Aisa thodi hota hai kahin? Huh!”

For the context- these Phuphas were cordially invited to stay at the venue, where all the ceremonies were scheduled. But they declined and preferred staying at their relative’s home which was some 20kms away from the venue. Hence, neither these phuphas nor their phuphis, I mean their wives, could be part of most of the ceremonies. And the one who scored the trophy, was not annoyed, chose to stay at the venue and performed every Phupha or elder’s rituals.

Some cult members also get annoyed when they are specifically invited months in advance over an hour long phone call, since they live 1000 kms away, are “ghar ke bade” and invitation cards are yet to get printed. But they would only come if an invitation card along with 1kg Chamcham is given to them at their home in person.

“Kyuki Phupha bhi Kabhi Damaad tha”

These Cult-approved-practices are not limited to wedding ceremonies. It continues even when they are invited for lunch or dinner or birthday parties or to pick-up their wives and children after their summer holidays. When they visit, even for a day, there is a terror in the atmosphere, because if something goes wrong, you don’t know what can happen next. They are given the best dining table seat, best bed, best crockery to eat in, everything has to be “the best”, even the water, tea, juice or drink- their preferred way with exact quantity, sugar and coolness. I mean “Phupha hi toh hai.”

But because of these occult practices by this group, the main sufferers are their wives and maybe children, to some extent, but wives definitely. These wives spend all their lives in finding these irrational Phuphas’ chappals, that they end up loosing their own identity, their choices, their decisions.

• “Arre! I can’t come, tumhare Phupha ne mana kiya hai.” ;

• “Arre! I don’t eat that anymore. Phupha ji doesn’t like it.” ;

• “Arre! Phupha only prefer ice-chilled water. Get that bottle from the freezer and do not serve this to him.”;

• “Arre! Your Phupha has high BP & Cholesterol, Doctor has advised him to eat this instead, hence, I also have it. Itni mehnat kaun kare.” ;

• “Arre! I am breaking ties with my siblings and parents and I vouch that I won’t ever visit them because your Phupha think they all are jealous of the assets we own.”

• And the list goes on…..

Some members have outright banned their wives from meeting her sibling or visiting her parents’ house, because of a minor inconvenience they had ages ago. Some do not leave a chance to comment “Arre! Bhaisahab. Humari shaadi toh halki phulki thi.”

The DRA continues its research- Should we introduce a Naraz Mama to play an UNO Reverse card?

• What fuels this Narazagi? Is there a cure?;

• how most of them become part of it and some chose not to;

• Should we introduce a Naraz Mama to play an UNO Reverse card?

The answers remain unknown, but one thing is clear—this absurd tradition needs a rethink. The affected parties don’t even realise that this is intolerant toxic behaviour, an absurd tradition disguised as respect. This needs change.

All I am saying, don’t be one. It might seem good getting all the attention, but pressure to keep them happy is stressful.
#NarazPhuphaBanKaro #BanThePhuphaCult #TooMuchPhupha

All I am asking is to make Phupha’s personality great, again, so that people choose to say-

• “Humare Phupha Kaisa Ho, Hasta Muskurata Rehta Ho”,

• “Shehr Shehr Mein Shor Hai, Humara Phupha Pure Hai”,

• “Bhai se bada, dost se pyaara, Phupha ek anmol sitara!"

Let’s bring back the era of chill Phuphas, not the Naraz ones!🌻😇